Power of 150 Relationships

In my work over the years, I have been fascinated by the notion of social capital. This construct is all about relationships in a person’s life and research over the last 70 years or so suggest that most of the good things in life (health, happiness, success, even longevity) are tied to our connections.

In considering relationships, the obvious next step is to ponder the number of people in your life that comprises your social capital. Now most of us, in thinking about our social capital, would initially think that the numbers of people in our social capital network would be relatively small, but research suggests otherwise.

The British Anthropologist, Robin Dunbar, who has researched social capital and relationships for many years, has an interesting perspective on this. In his writings and research he suggests that the typical person has 5 deep (intimate) friendships, 15 good friends, 50 friends, 150 meaningful contacts with social obligation, 500 acquaintances, and 1500 people you can recognize. This is a lot of people in your consciousness!

Now to be fair, Dunbar also suggests that due to limbic system constraints, we can only maintain about 150 relationships, and given social media in today’s world, some suggest the number is much higher.

Still, the notion of the number of people in our social capital network is an interesting thesis to ponder. Especially today, when we find loneliness and social isolation on the rise. In fact, the Surgeon General of the United States has identified loneliness as one of the most impactful (and toxic) variables affecting health and recommends formal approaches to consider. In fact, we are a bit late to the party as the UK, and Japan have added formal governmental offices to address loneliness and isolation.

So how about you; how vibrant is your social capital? Are there 150 folks in your life that you have some social obligation with? More important, what can you do about enhancing your friendship pool?

Lessons From The Blue Zones

Since getting my PhD at Pitt in 1984, I have been associated with the University of Pittsburgh. I have had an appointment to teach in both the Schools of Social Work, and the School of Health and Rehabilitation Sciences, which I did all the way up to the pandemic when I took a pause. Since then, I have done some spot lecturing here and there.

Recently, the Dean of SHRS invited me to speak at Commencement this past April where some 300 SHRS students got their degrees. I agreed, and then pondered what I could share in 10 minutes or so that would be meaningful to the students, and relevant to their families who would travel wide and far to see their loved ones take their diplomas.

Finally, after a fair amount of thought, I started to frame my address, which I titled “Lessons From The Blue Zones.” Now Blue Zones are regions in the world, and there are only 6 of them, where residents live longer lives, are happier, take less medicine, endure less hospitalizations, have less heart disease, and dementia, and generally lead better lives. These “Blue Zones,” have been studied since 2007 and much has been learned and summarized. Given that the SHRS is all about better health, I felt this would be particularly relevant.

Before I share the common ingredients associated with these Blue Zones, let me introduce them to you. Not in any order of importance they are; Sardinia, Italy; Ikaria, Greece; Okinawa, Japan; Nicoya, Costa Rica; Loma Linda, California; and the newest addition, Singapore. Of all the places on earth, these regions sustain the best and longest lives.

And their lessons are not complex. There are 4 common features that sociologists found in all 6 Blue Zones and feel provide a gateway to a better life. These are:

1. Move often and stay physical. Folks in the Blue Zones don’t go to fancy gyms, or ride Peloton Bikes. Rather, they tend to their gardens, take regular walks, clean up around the house, and remain physically active well into their golden years.

2. Eat in moderation, with mostly a plant/fruit based diet. Some of these regions followed an 80/20 rule to stop eating when they were 80% full. Eat red meat sparingly and consider sea food alternatives. It is no surprise that all 6 Blue Zones are by their various regions seas.

3. Find a “purpose” for your life. What is your reason to be, what were you meant to do? For most of the regions this purpose was framed in spiritual ways, with a faith-based relevance.

4. Connect with friends and family on a regular basis. Blue Zone residents were active in their community well into the golden years and celebrated often with others.

As I concluded my talk at the commencement, I connected the dots of how these 4 features align with our school and how we prepared students in all 4 of these disciplines to practice in the field via PT, Dietetics, Counseling, and Communication. Then, tongue-in-cheek, I prompted the graduates that in 2091, when they reach their 101st healthy birthday, they should come into their home from meditating in their garden, and write a nice, big check to the University of Pittsburgh for framing their Blue Zone lifestyle!

Back At It Again

Friends, it has been a while since I last blogged. There has been a number of things that have gotten in the way…of course the pandemic, and new grandchildren, and involvement with our musical group, The DooWop Doctors (www.doowopdoctors.com). But, as things begin to settle back down, I intend to revive my blog and sound off on issues I find to be relevant to a better life and community.

So keep your eyes open for the new things to come, and… thanks for checking in on our work!

Awakening to the Ill Effects of Social Isolation

In the course of my work, I have been doing a fair amount of research on the notion of social isolation. This research is clear as to the negative effects that are associated with being disconnected from other people. The evidence is striking that with social isolation comes increased depression, greater health disparities, deeper loneliness, poorer nutrition, disruption in sleep, and even greater susceptibility to other illnesses. The negative outcomes are so stark that some nations, most notably the UK, have initiated nationwide agendas that focus on this problem.

Academically and informationally this is notable, but more powerful is that each and everyone of us are now (and have been for the past 10 months) living within the framework of this issue of social isolation. It is as if the entire world is the part of a social isolation research project with the COVID virus controlling the variables…..and the realities are mounting. I know for me, I am really feeling the stresses and strains of isolation. Things like not being able to pick up and spend time with people, not being able to attend sporting events, being held back from the pleasures of live entertainment and the like all have their consequences.

We hear daily reports of the mounting depression and mental health issues that are becoming more stark. I even heard an recent report suggesting that our pandemic-oriented social isolation has played a role in promoting the crazy and weird conspiracy theories that, in some regard, led way to the recent insurrection of the Capitol…… and has emboldened fringe elected leaders to publicly tout these outlandish falsehoods.

We know that there is light at the end of the social isolation tunnel, but even getting the vaccine has led way to frustrations that are near panic levels. People are struggling to get information on how they can get the vaccine and this just exacerbates the other ill effects associated with social isolation.

Certainly, when a notion moves from being an academic area of study, to a real aspect in our lives, it is time to awaken.

From Caretaking to Community Building

Since my retirement from CLASS in early 2019, I have been spending time coaching and sharing ideas with other human service agencies in their quest to assist the folks they serve to become more relevant in the community. Some of these agencies serve folks with disabilities and the reality they experience is that their staff have become more caretakers with the folks they serve. For many people they serve, staff need to help folks with personal care, meal preparation, doing the things they need to do to get through the day. This is a heavy load and once all these personal things have been tended to, there is hardly time available to fully engage in community. And in the process, the people they serve continue to stay separated from the community. In these scenarios, isolation prevails.

As I have talked with agency leaders about this challenge, it has pushed us to consider another track. If people want to be active in community, this support is different from what we offer in caretaking. Certainly personal care is essential, and we need to tend to this, but in community building, the skill set essential to community inclusion requires a different approach. Here we need to understand culture and community, how to map and reveal the places and spaces of connection, and how social capital (relationships) develop and sustain. These skills are different from the important caretaking actions.

And so, if you are caught in this dilemma lets talk more about how you can bifurcate these actions with staff and find the ways and means to more meaningful community engagement for the folks you serve. The macro skills of community mapping, understanding the social infrastructure, utilizing social capital and other community strategies are available. The key is to keep them clear.

Love on the Spectrum

Those of us interested in relationships and social capital know that there are essentially 3 qualitative levels of connections in our lives. The most superficial relationships are people we have an initial acquaintanceship with in our orbit. These might be neighbors, people we might see occasionally at work, and other folks around our lives. As we develop more regularity and find more similarity with people we move from the level of acquaintanceship to friendship. In this stage we begin to do things with these people and establish more of a social obligation to them. Finally, and probably most importantly, are the people we then fall in love with, which are often seen as “covenant” relationships. These are the most deeply bonded connections in our lives. It is this last stage that is the most challenging in managing our social capital, yet the one that is the most satisfying and emotionally rewarding.

Recently, at the urging of my daughter as well as friends who know my work, I was introduced to the Netflix series, titled: “Love on the Spectrum.” It is the production of Northern Pictures and is an Australian reality show featuring young men and women on the Autism Spectrum and their efforts at finding love. There are only 4 episodes, but the viewer is not only introduced to some fascinating people who are looking for love, but helps people understand some of the unique social aspects of the Autism Spectrum.

One interesting dimension, is that some of the highlighted folks are supported by Jodie, a “relationship coach,” who explores some of the key aspects necessary for relationship-building. Jodie helps to guide the person in not just finding similarities, but to allow the person’s broader aspects to come out.

My only critique is that “Love on the Spectrum” seems to suggest that persons on the Autism Spectrum can only build important relationships with others who might be on the Spectrum. That is never stated, but implied by the various levels of intervention. Of course I understand that a persons differences tend to bond them with others who have similar differences and this can happen all around the board. Still, the optimist in me hopes that we all can overcome some of the stereotypes and judgments we might have about that which makes us different from each other.

Still, “Love on the Spectrum” is an important series to examine. By highlighting the men and women in the show helps any of us to see the human side of all people.

Direct Support Professionals - Then and Now

Any of us who have been active in the disability support system, have done, or know folks who do direct support work. This includes staff who support people with disabilities in residential, vocational, or skill-building settings. Like many of you who might be reading this blog, I started my career doing direct supports back in 1971 and over the years, although my responsibilities changed, have always understood the critical input of DSP’s.

Recently, for a different reason, I went back to review a book I wrote in 2000, titled “Cultural Shifting” (TRN Press, 2002). This book was a macro look at shifting the culture to be more receptive to folks with disabilities who were being reconnected to community. While reviewing this book, I came across a passage I wrote relating to Direct Support Staff. I want to share this passage with you here, but want you to keep in mind that I wrote this in 2000, some 20 years ago. Think about what you were doing in 2000, what we are doing today in 2020, and if these words from the past still ring true:

“If a human or social services agency employs you, there are probably some unique aspects about you. For the most part, you are probably driven by the notion of service to others. You have decided that you wanted to make your life count for some human betterment. As Pollyanna as it may seem, you have decided that justice and fairness for people is important and the employment choice you have made is probably tied to this agenda. Certainly you do not do this work for the money. We all know that human service workers are grossly underpaid. Still, you stay and continue to attempt to address the specific aspect of your agency’s mission. To this end you are particularly vulnerable.

This vulnerability is tied to three converging issues. One is that you are sincerely interested in the people you serve and their full participation in the community. If you work for a vocational agency you want to see people get jobs; if you work for a residential agency, you want to see residents safely involved and accepted in the community….Yet, the reality is that the challenges remain, regardless of your hard work. For every person you help get a job, five more are waiting for you. For every person connected to the community, seven more are still at risk, and on and on. This struggle continues until you slowly begin to feel that anything you do will not really support people in meaningful ways.

Then, add this to the challenging schedules of this type of work and the number of hours you invest or ask your people to work. Most of us employed in human service know that the hours seem to never end. There is always another meeting to attend or person to support. There is always another shift to fill or person to call. These demands are pressing. Additionally, the ante gets upped when the work that is performed is vital. In my organization, if the staff is not on duty, then a person might not get up for the day. Or if a staff member does not show up, a critical medicine might be missed, or a meal might not be rendered. These are not small issues; agencies are experiencing a rising number of abuse cases, as noted by news reports and lawsuits.

The final vulnerability for human service staff rest with salaries. If there is one major problem that almost every human service organization I know faces, it is low salaries paid to their front-line workers. Yet the problem of low salaries is multifaceted. Over the years the allotted funds available for direct services have not kept up with inflation. Organizations keep falling more and more behind. Another reason for low salaries is tied to the societal devaluation of vulnerable people….Quite simply, the question begs to be asked: if vulnerable people are not seen as valuable by society, why should people who care for them be paid adequately. Remarkably, in my city of Pittsburgh, attendants who work at the Pittsburgh Zoo, are paid more than our staff who support people with disabilities.

These 3 notions, those of limited success, difficult work/hours, and low wages can converge to take the wind out of the sails of people who work for human service agencies. The net result is a sense of resignation. This leads to high levels of turnover or burnout, that make the noble work of human services challenging and, often times, thankless.”

These reflections, from 20 years ago, still plague our human service system. Why are we still caught in the same basic web. More, what might we do today that will promote a change. One way is to organize and bring these issues to a greater head. This option is much more viable today with the development of of the National Alliance for Direct Support Professionals (NADSP). If you are not aligned with this group, plan to do so. You can find them at www.nadsp.org and learn more about their work in a simple google search.

Together we can make a change. Lets not have another 20 years go by!

Innocence and Justice

Like most of us, I have been deeply touched by the recent (and string) of murders of black men. The video of George Floyd being murdered in Minneapolis was stunning and spurred the outrage that we still see unfolding in our cities.

As I thought about my outrage and anger, I tried to get to the core of the angst. Of course there was the blatant racism that surrounded this (and all the other) situations, but drilling deeper there seemed to be an even more powerful underlying issue - that of an innocent person (at least not having been convicted) being treated so unjustly, and this began to influence my thinking. In fact, if the person in that situation in Minneapolis had been white, and we all watched the murder of that man, would we be just as outraged. I think so.

When injustice occurs, to any person, it is still stinging. Certainly, the deep, systematic racism that exists in our society is a huge issue, and it is exasperated when the circumstances emerge. Still, I think it is the basic, human injustice that is infuriating - and then compounded when racism is a part of the situation.

I know that the work I do as a disability advocate was spurred by this same energy. That is, in my early years, when I saw how people with disabilities were treated in institutions, or though other vexing aspects of devaluation, I was mobilized to do something. In a way, it was the same power of mixing innocence with injustice that energized the disability rights movement. Here were people with disabilities, none of them choosing to be disabled, being treated in disgusting and inhumane ways, and something had to be done.

So as we raise our voices through actions in the streets and at the polls through voting, lets not forget the power of injustice faced by all innocent people who are knelt on by the system.

Operation Empowerment

Forty years ago, this month, I was part of a planning team and faculty for the project, “Operation Empowerment.” This was an effort supported by the National Head Injury Foundation (NHIF, now known as the Brain Injury Association of the US). At the time, I was on the Board of Directors and concerned about the lack of folks experiencing brain injuries (known then as “survivors”) participation as board members. When I expressed my concerns the response was that survivors were not really ready to participate. It was then that we proposed “Operation Empowerment.”

Initially conceived as a leadership development experience, the idea easily morphed into an effort designed to unite, empower, and promote that folks experiencing brain injuries be incorporated into all types of civic, and community groups and settings.

To that end, a planning team of advocates with and without disabilities initiated and created a full 4 day curriculum designed to bond and promote an advocacy agenda. We developed a proposal and were able to obtain full funding to invite 100 survivors, 2 delegates from each state, to make the journey to Galveston TX, the site selected for the program.

The planning for all this happened in the late 70’s, a time of awakening for folks in the disability movement regarding rights and opportunities. But the real magic unfolded when we descended on Galveston that April weekend in 1980. The first day focused on identifying who we are, the second day on what we wanted, and then the last 2 days on how we were going to get it.

This was an amazing experience where we learned much, challenged each other, used data, emotions, and grit to move the discussions to the next level. Advocates left this experience, returning to their home communities to join boards, civic groups, community councils, some running for elective office and the like. It was a moment in time that changed the times. I am happy to have been a part of the experience.

Is Your Workplace Inclusive?

I am preparing for a talk I will be doing soon in Lexington KY and the topic is “inclusive workplaces.” It is a macro perspective on addressing employment realities for people with disabilities. In this challenge, the data shows that close to 76% of people with disabilities (physical, cognitive, or emotional) are unemployed, or under-employed. Given that there are close to 60 million Americans with disabilities who are of workforce age, that is a lot of people not in the workforce. The irony is that most of these people would love to have the opportunity to work.

Now, this is not a new problem, and rehabilitation specialist have been trying all kinds of strategies and approaches over the years to address this issue. But most of these approaches have been “micro” oriented. That is, they have attempted to better job-train folks, or to provide job coaches to assist the person with a disability…….and, some of these measures have been helpful. Still, the struggle persists.

For my talk in KY however, I plan to take a “macro” look at this issue, and to explore workplace inclusive strategies. That is, how the workplace shapes up from a macro lens and workplace infrastructure analysis. In looking at the following issues, how does your workplace measure up?

• Is it easy to get into, and is it accessible? This includes more than just ramps and such, but, are the halls wide enough, and the floors smooth enough for a wheelchair or walker? Are there sharp corners, or rises in terrain? If you had to use a wheelchair for a while, how would that impact your work?

• Equally, is the outside viable and easy to get around.? Are there safe, accessible, and usable outdoor spaces to enjoy around or near the work site? Again, if you had to use a wheelchair, what would that outdoor space be like?

• Does it have an “attitudinal” friendliness? That is, do people not just tolerate difference, but do they look to seek it out? Are people welcomed at the water cooler? How would you size up the workplace culture?

• Are there regular opportunities for social connection, and if so, do people create separate cliques or groups, causing others to feel left out?

• When post-work activities are planned, like going for a drink, or company picnics, is there conscious effort to plan for others who might have a disability?

These are just some things to consider when doing a “macro” analysis of the workplace infrastructure and culture…..and, if we don’t tend to these realities, all the micro job preparation will never lead to parity in employment opportunities.

What Makes A Successful Culture

For 47 years, from 1973, until my retirement in 2018, I played a leadership role at CLASS (Community Living and Support Services). CLASS, a nonprofit organization, serves individuals with disabilities and their families and has grown to become a major advocacy/service force in Pittsburgh/Southwestern PA region.

As the CEO of CLASS, I felt my most important task was to build a strong, caring culture for the folks we served, our staff, and volunteers, and in that challenge I studied everything I could get my hands on regarding culture development. Now that I am retired, I am still on the prowl for resources that can help me in my present role as an organizational consultant and executive coach. That is why the core of my consulting practice focuses on the critical aspect of organizational culture.

Knowing this, my daughter, Gianna, just gave me a new book titled, The Culture Code, by Daniel Coyle (2018). It is a robust examination of culture, and looks to reveal the secrets of highly successful groups. In it, he summarizes 3 key skills in developing a vital culture. These are: 1. The leader builds safety for the members, 2. The leader must share their vulnerability, and 3. The leaders must establish a compelling purpose for the members. He states: “Culture is a set of living relationships working toward a shared goal. It is not something you are……it’s something you do.”

It is a good read, and I wanted to share some of the points he makes:

• Individuals (in organizations) aren’t really individuals. They’re more like musicians in a jazz quartet, forming a web of unconscious actions and reactions to complement the others in the group.

• Words are noise. Group performance depends on behavior that communicates one powerful overarching idea - we are safe and connected.

• Signals of belonging are critical in a culture. Many signals don’t take much time to deliver, but they make a huge difference because they create a foundation of psychological safety that builds connection and identity.

• One misconception about highly successful cultures is that they are happy, lighthearted places. This is mostly not the case. They are energized and engaged, but at their core their members are oriented less around achieving happiness than around solving hard problems together.

• Frequency of interaction is key to building a culture. Certain proximity trigger huge changes in frequency of communication.

What excites me about developing vibrant cultures is that the process is not just an organizational challenge, but applies everywhere. In fact, the most important culture you can nurture is your own family. All these principles apply there as much as they do in a formal organization.

So think about these 3 skill areas - building safety, sharing vulnerability, and establishing a purpose. How can you nurture these elements in your very own family!

I am an Advocate

When people ask me about the work that I do, and I need to summarize things into a simple phrase, I tell them that I am an advocate for folks at risk of being devalued. This is a simple overview, but seems to work. But digging deeper it begs a basic question - what is advocacy?

An advocate is defined as one who speaks on behalf of others. Certainly this defines a part of advocacy - acting for another’s cause, but I believe the notion of advocacy is more encompassing. The most basic form of advocacy is speaking for yourself. So, as an advocate you can work toward changing your own reality, as well as speaking out for others.

The dimension of bringing an advocate into the situation can take some of the subjectivity out of your advocacy equation. In focusing on others the advocate is usually somewhat removed from the person in need. Often we do this form of advocacy for friends or associates who need or request representation.

Sometimes, however, the situation is either complex or deeply serious. In these cases, we might need to call in a professional advocate. This is someone who has some specific skills or certification, like an attorney, or social worker. Professional advocates have skills such as: Research, Strategy Development, Recruitment of Key Specialists, Monitoring of Timing and Actions, Evaluation of Success, and other types of special skills.

So, regardless of the issue, whenever an injustice occurs and mediation is not successful or possible, advocacy is often the next step. If you represent yourself, another person, or are hired to represent someone, there are key common features that can be brought to bare to find a resolution that is fair and reasonable.

The Other Side of Inclusion

“I do not give a fig about simplicity on this side of complexity; but I would give my arm for simplicity on the other side of complexity” Oliver Wendell Holmes

I remember reading this quote years ago and pondering its impact. Justice Holmes wrote this in contemplation of the law. He relished the simple notion of the US legal system, innocent until proven guilty. Yet in the law today, as in Justice Holmes day, is decidedly complex. Many innocent person has been convicted of wrongdoing. Indeed, the “Innocence Project,” an effort using DNA evidence, has freed over 1,000 previously convicted people in the US who were thought to be guilty.

Justice Holmes knew that even an accusation, in many situations, was tantamount to being convicted. He knew how complex the law can be, and how difficult it is to get on the simple side of complexity.

With all due respect to Justice Holmes, I believe the same adage can apply in the field of human services. There are hundreds of thousands of people that are not active, engaged, or included in the general community. These people include folks with disabilities, elders, individuals encased in poverty, and people who have experience with mental illness. The simple notion for these people is that they would love to be involved, included, or active in community, yet, they are caught in a huge web of complexity. This complexity is tied to their condition, situation, eccentricity, or perceived problem. In essence, they are often excluded because they are thought to have a complex problem.

As I have pondered this phenomenon in my years as an advocate in the disability arena, I can’t help thinking about Justice Holmes admonition. How do we get to the simple notion of community inclusion, when we are confronted with these huge complexities of disability, age, or poverty? Then it hit me. Perhaps this challenge relates more to the complex harnesses put on people by the very system designed to help them.

Inclusion is a simple notion - you just accept people by finding our similarities rather than focusing on the differences - simplicity on the other side of complexity.

The Biology Behind Loneliness

Health professionals now know that loneliness is lethal, that when people are rendered lonely, bad things can happen. Researchers now state that social isolation and loneliness are as toxic as smoking 15 cigarettes per day, and that when people are lonely they are more at risk of being sick or even dying. These are powerful statements and causes one to ask how?

A recent article I just read offered and interesting reason why this seems to add up. The researchers postulate that our primitive reaction to being rendered isolated (or lonely) is a heightened state of alert. That is, the earliest humans needed to live, hunt, and stay in groups where they would be more safe, especially in their precarious environment. If they became separated from their tribe, they could be in grave danger. The defense mechanism that kicks in increases the heart rate, the sweat glans, the nervous system, and respiratory process and the like. The net effect of these signals was to find our way back to the tribe and to safety. All of these things can keep us safe, but in a prolonged state, can have an adverse effect.

The researchers state: “We think that human psychology interprets loneliness as a kind of threat, and that this kind of inflammatory response is a biological reflex that gets triggered whenever we experience threat or uncertainty. When you feel lonely, your brain activates inflammation in the white blood cells….and inflammation talks back to the brain and changes the way it works….the response feeds back to the brain and makes it irritable, suspicious, prone to negative emotions and fearful of meeting new people and making new friends.” In a way, they could be a new threat.

In some ways this explains how some people, who are socially isolated, get caught in that web of negativity and suspicion and remain offset and isolated. The primitive “fight-flight” reflex can keep isolated people, lonely.

Certainly, we know the benefits of relationships (social capital) and how these good things can make our lives better, but reflecting on the biology of isolation can help us understand how loneliness persists. I think that the net result of all of this is the role that everyday people can play in breaking the cycle of loneliness, especially when the isolated person seems to be pushing people away.

Condeluci Hill: One Families Journey

After a wonderful holiday and start of a new decade, I am excited about an upcoming lecture I will be doing for the McKees Rocks Historical Society. This group of volunteers are committed to preserving the history of our hometown and keeping a legacy for what has come before us.

On Tuesday, January 21, I will be looking at the history of “Condeluci Hill” in our section of “Norwood” in McKees Rocks. People who know my work, know my pride for our family hill, settled by my grandfather, dad, and uncles back in 1944, but the story starts well before then, and is much more than just the Condeluci family.

Back at the turn of the 19th century, thousands of immigrants made their way to the United States by way of Ellis Island seeking a better life. Often these families found relatives who came before them and often helped the newcomer assimilate into the new American culture. These relatives served as gatekeepers in a new world, and family was an essential ingredient for acceptance and security.

Our session for the Historical Society will acknowledge this essential ingredient of family, but in the end, the development of friendships beyond the family were the stuff of community. Sociologists call these connections “Social Capital,” and they are at the core of successful communities.

So, if you can, join us on 1/21 at Rocky’s Restaurant to hear not just about the Condeluci family, but to learn more about the community importance of social capital.

The Foundation of Thanksgiving

It is early Thanksgiving morning and I am watching the morning news. Of course, many of the stories are about the importance of this holiday and the reflections of gratitude. One story that caught my attention however, was from a local shelter and food pantry. The reporter was showing the preparation of the many meals this shelter will serve today. One person being interviewed said they had volunteered at this shelter for many years and always feel good about feeding the many people who come for dinner……and this got me thinking.

With all the attention we pay on the turkey and the meals we will have, I think we often miss the most basic aspect of Thanksgiving - the people we eat with. Of course the food we consume plays an important role symbolizing the nurturing aspect, and the gratitude of having food to eat. The abundance of the harvest, and the notion that we have worked hard to get what we have is certainly pause for celebration.

Yet it is really the people around us, our relationships and social capital , that I believe is at the foundation of Thanksgiving. The fact that these relationships are really at the core of any success we might enjoy seems to be the missing element in many of our Thanksgiving celebrations.

So today, when you gather for your meal, enjoy the food, but recognize that the most important variable for Thanksgiving are the people you are sitting around. More, recognize this with a toast and relish in the conversations and camaraderie. Thanksgiving is really a celebration of social capital!

The Body!

I am a huge fan of the writer, Bill Bryson, having read all the books he has written. You might know of Bryson from one of his earlier and arguably one of his most popular books, “A Walk in the Woods,” which was made into a major movie staring Robert Redford. It is a fun account of Bryson’s attempt to hike the Appalachian Trail.

In the earlier stages of his career, Bryson’s books were sort of personal travel accounts where he blended the information relevant to his travels with creative quips and stories to punctuate his tales. As his following broadened, so did his writing and Bryson began to take basic topics like homes, or science, or history, and wove his mastery of language, amazing research prowess, and considerable wit, to make these topics dynamic.

Years ago, in the earlier stages of his career, I had the opportunity to attend a lecture he did in Pittsburgh at our Carnegie Music Hall. It was a fascinating evening where Bryson talked about the genesis of his works and how he approaches his craft. I was thoroughly engaged.

Now he is out with a new work titled, “The Body,” where he takes the reader on a tour of the human body offering intriguing facts to compliment the topic. Here is just one of his musings - “Our bodies are a universe of 37.2 trillion cells operating in more or less perfect concert more or less all the time. An ache, a twinge of indigestion, the odd bruise or pimple, are about all that in the normal course of things announces our imperfect-ability. There are thousands of things that can kill us - slightly more than eight thousand, according to the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems, compiled by the World Health Organization - and we escape every one of them but one. For most of us, that is not a bad deal.”

If your looking for an interesting and instructive read for the holiday break, take a look at, “The Body,” by Bill Bryson. I am sure you will not be disappointed.

Trends that Persist

Folks that know my work are aware of the many presentations I get invited to conduct. I have been doing these keynotes or workshops since the early 1980’s and over the years have developed a listing of various topics of expertise. In fact, I have a listing available on my website (www.alcondeluci.com) that is available to conference planners or organizations looking for training.

One topic on this list is titled, “Beyond Difference,” and is based off my 1996 book of that same title. At that time I wanted to do an inward look at the key elements that can get us beyond seeing a persons’s disability and look to find similarities that might help people build more balanced relationships. From the 8 books i have written over the years, “Beyond Difference,” remains my favorite.

Recently I had a call from a group that saw my talk, Beyond Difference, on my website and asked if I can do a training for them on that topic. I agreed and decided to re-read my book so that I could update the training to be relevant to 2020. I was concerned that over the past 24 years since its publication in 1996 there would be some stale areas.

Much to my surprise however, I found the book to be hauntingly relevant to our world today a quarter of a century later. Let me share a short passages verbatim from the book and as you read these, remember that I did the core writing for this book in 1994 and 95!

“It’s interesting to consider kindness in today’s world. In some instances, we are witnessing strong messages of exclusion, hate, and dispassion. In the name of a better world, some people are arguing that certain groups are not welcomed into the agenda. In fact, the resurgence of hate and violence to people who have certain types of difference, is rising today at an alarming rate. As I write these words, neo-nazis in Germany are terrorizing foreigners and religious minorities. These hoodlums, dubbed “skin-heads” are waving swastikas and singing chants in praise of Adolf Hitler.

Closer to home, in America, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (1993) reported some alarming figures. The White Aryan Resistance, or WAR, estimates that there are some 3,500 neo-Nazis in Southern California alone. Further, the Ku Klux Klan reports some 6,000 members, many living in the northeast and Midwest. Add on to this the 1,000 more hard-lined racists associated with the Aryan Nations and the numbers of those who are intolerant become very alarming. The Post-Gazette article suggested there are some 150,000 active hate mongers, spread over some 346 separate organizations, each with their own structure, by-laws and leadership.”

Sadly hate has been part of the human story and still with us today. In a way, my book “Beyond Difference” is as relevant today as it was when I wrote it in 1996. Maybe that is why I am still getting requests to talk about the concepts - they still apply in trying to build a more inclusive community.

Family Engagement Patterns

I just returned from Springfield MA, where I am working with some DDS Family Support Centers. We are looking more closely at family engagement patterns for families they serve who have children with disabilities. The concern is that these families engage less in the general community. They are concerned about this for a variety of reasons. One is that these families are at risk of being more socially isolated - and we know that social isolation is related to a variety of maladies. Another concern is that when families who have children with disabilities are more isolated, other families have less exposure to disabilities and this affects attitudes and stereotypes toward disability.

I have been interested in engagement patterns of both families as well as with individuals who have disabilities. I believe these engagement voids have powerful negative consequences both internally and externally. Over the past 10 years we have been helping individuals and organizations think more about ways and means to have more effective engagement patterns. In this time period we have conducted a couple formal studies on the matter. One study was chronicled in the Canadian Journal of Disability Studies, Vol 5, No 4, 2016, titled, “Somewhere to Live, Something to Do, Someone to Love.”

More recently we conducted an unpublished study with 50 families, half who had a child with disability in their family. This study concluded that families who had children with disabilities engaged dramatically less than families without disabilities and stated 3 clear reasons. One was economics; quite simply disability is expensive and these families did not have as much disposable income. The other reason was logistics; again, families who have children with disabilities have to consider so many more factors when they go out to engage. And the last factor was stigma. That is, these families reported that they did not feel welcomed.

These findings, and other reported concerns suggest that we all need to think about our behavior whenever families or individuals with disabilities try to join in. In fact, we should do our best to encourage and support people in this effort. The more individuals or families with disabilities engage, the better we all become in the process.

Friendship Differentiation

As we continue to think about social capital and relationships in our lives, I often ponder about measures of closeness. That is, with the litany of folks we consider to be friends, what are the benchmarks that suggest a greater depth in some, verses others.

Over the years I have researched this to better understand the phenomena and in the work I do in training and consulting around social capital, often using my own experiences as a guide post. Certainly more study and examination needs to unfold in these areas, but I have come to some simple conclusions, especially in thinking about the depth of friendships.

It seems to me that a basic point of differentiation with friends is found in who we invite into our homes. That is, our homes represent a deeply intimate and personal part of our world. It is where we take off our masks and reveal our more basic elements of our humanity. Further, our homes, how they are designed and set up, say volumes about who we are and how we reflect our world.

In his Social Capital Bench-marking Survey, Robert Putnam, the Harvard sociologist who has spent a career studying social capital, has an entire section devoted to knowing and visiting neighbors. He ask how many neighbors names we know, or how many neighbors we have spoken to in the past week.

So think now about the friends or neighbors you have invited into your home. I believe these people represent a deeper level of friendship in your life. This is especially true of those non-relatives who enter our homes - these are the people we align with more closely. More, think about the friends whose homes we have been in. When our friends invite us in it shows a deeper intimacy for our relationship.